Trans-mania is a land of diversity and inclusivity, a land
of sunny ways that was changing with the times. So on arriving there I took a
trans-it bus into its capital town. The trans-it driver asked me, “Do you want
a trans-fer”? “I said no thank you sir.” And he replied, “I am not a sir, I am
a Trans-manian or a Zir or a Ze, not a him or a he, I am whatever pleases me. Please
remember the difference when you arrive in our town called Trans-haven.”
On arriving in Trans-haven, I booked into a hotel called
“The Trans-ient.” The hotel had a “safe place” sticker on its front door, which
I thought was wonderful and welcoming and said so to the Trans-manian desk
person. Who then said,
“Trans-mania is a safe and welcoming land of diversity.
These ‘safe place’ stickers are everywhere, and are a comfort and help to those
who feel they are trans-latent. There are no words allowed in this land using
mother or father, he or she, male or female, him or her, boy or girl--those
words are gender discriminatory, and we are a gender neutral, ‘safe place’
land. The approved correct words are trans this or trans that.”
To which I replied, “Bully for you.” To which the Trans-manian
replied, “Please do not use the word bully, it is an obscene word and we are
trans-ferring bullies and erasing the bully word out of our trans-diction, as
well as other words I mentioned earlier that are trans-discriminatory.”
Being very interested in how their land was governed I then
asked,
“How is trans-genderism portrayed in Trans-mania”? I received this reply, “Very well. The
politicians are wonderfully supportive and even pass laws favouring us; they even
march in our parades of pride as do law enforcers. Some of our community are
even allowed to parade naked in violation of the law. The media have been very
supportive too, and label those that have a different view from us as
‘trans-phobic,’ and ‘controversial.’ The media also march in our parades. We
are even allowed to promote and have programs for trans-genderism in the
schools.”
I then asked. “How do parents feel about that? And was told,
“Many, if most, parents do not know what their children are being taught at
school, and anyway, it is mandated by the government, and they know best what
is good for us all, and we Trans-manians agree on that. We are a caring,
conditioned and inclusive society that has a Charter of Rights and Freedoms and
it is interpreted by unelected judges that used to be lawyers, and they are
more powerful than the politicians, because the Charter is supreme. Anything can be found as a right in our
charter; one of our judges even said it was a ‘living tree.’ And others just
‘read in’ what they cannot find in the charter. This is known as hallucinatory
and imaginative justice. So, as you can
see, we Trans-manians have much to be thankful to our judges for.”
On hearing all this I nearly said, “Bully for you” again,
but quickly realised that this supportive comment would not be understood.
Anyway, I was trans-fixed by all this information, but not wishing to appear
trans-ignorant, I asked the Trans-manian behind the desk, “How should I address
a Trans-manian properly”? The Trans-manian
said, “Do not use offensive language, such as him or he; we are anybody or
anything that we want to be, so you can address us as a Zir or Ze.” To which I
replied “I am so sorry sir.” Then realizing my mistake, by using the word sir,
I said “Pardon me Zir or Ze, please forgive me.” Ze or Zir, then said to me “apology accepted,
but here in Trans-mania using the wrong words can be hateful and a hate crime,
so be careful in your speech. We are a gender neutral, gender exempt, gender
fluid, genderless society of binary pan gender, trans-racial, Trans-manians who
abhor the speech of so-called normal people. One more important thing, there
are no discriminatory washrooms in our hotel, only ‘Squat rooms;’ anybody and everybody
can use them. They are gender neutral approved, and another ‘safe place’ where
anybody can do their business.” I felt
trans-fused, oops I mean confused, and trans-formed after hearing about all
this trans-formation, oops, I mean information, and decided I would check out
the town of Trans-haven immediately to learn more.
As I was crossing the street in Trans-haven I was approached
by a Trans-manian wearing a dress, sporting a full black beard, eye shadow and
lipstick, wearing steel toed boots and carrying a big handbag. Stamped on the
bag were the words ‘union made.’ I was trans-fixed for a moment, but then I
realized I was in the town of Trans-haven
in Trans-mania. So wanting to be polite in this country that I was visiting, I
said to this Trans-manian, “How are you today”? To which the reply was, “I am
not a you, I am a Trans-manian.” I then said, “thanks for correcting me and
being so Trans-parent.” The Trans-manian then said to me, “I am not a Trans-parent,
I am not married and I am offspring barren.” I then said to this Ze or Zir, “Pardon
me, I was using the word transparent, as defined in the dictionary, like being
‘candid.’” On hearing my explanation, the Trans-manian said to me, “we don’t
accept words defined in a dictionary; we believe they are a trans-gression
against our trans-values.” Once again, I said sorry to the Trans-manian, then I
decided I better cut my visit to Trans-mania short, and trans-ition and
trans-fer myself back to a place that trans-cends this trans-fiction world. Because quite frankly I felt trans-language
challenged, tired and stressed, and felt speech insecure and word confused by trying
to trans-pose and trans-late my thoughts and words in this visit to Trans-mania.
Oh well, at least it was an edifying and trans-formative experience, and really
just a fairy tale that could be called a “Trans-cript from Trans-mania.”
Stephen J. Gray
November 26, 2017.
Links of interest
below:
http://www.dailywire.com/news/23874/proposed-education-regulation-allows-children-self-james-barrett
