Wednesday, March 29, 2017

The Feckless Fool of Sunshine Land: A Fairy Tale

The feckless fool of Sunshine Land was a much-praised fool. He was admired and talked about throughout the world. He invited the world to come to his land, and the world did. People were coming from every country, many illegally, but this did not bother the feckless fool. After all, he had invited them in a tweet that went around the world. The border police of the land were feeling overwhelmed by all these illegal newcomers crossing Sunshine Land’s border, but they were promised more police to help in facilitating the illegal arrivals pouring in. Many people were wondering who would pay for this influx to their Sunshine Land. The answer was staring them in the face: they, the residents, would pay with more taxes. And the feckless one would have more voters to vote for him. All in all, there was a great “good” in these illegals coming to Sunshine Land: the feckless fool would have new admirers and he would be praised around the world as a “star,” a “hottie,” and a “humanitarian.”

Meanwhile, he pledged hundreds of millions of his peoples’ tax dollars to other countries, to kill their pre-born children by abortion.  Moreover, hundreds of thousands of his own people attended food banks in Sunshine Land. What could be more bizarre than that? Still, it was believed that when people saw him they began to sing,

“You are our sunshine, our only sunshine
You make us happy when skies are grey
You’ll never know, dear, how much we love you
Please don’t take our sunshine away”

And the feckless fool said to them all, “Thank you for singing, l will never take your sunshine away. I have pledged over 2 billion dollars of your tax monies for climate change action, so that you will always have normal sunshine—not the very abnormal sunshine of climate change.” The people, on hearing this, began to dance in the street and the foolish one, seeing a colourful parade passing by with some people clothed and others unclothed, joined the parade. He shouted at the top of his voice, “Sunshine Land is a land of diversity and inclusivity and there will always be sunshine as long as I rule.” More cheers ensued from the happy diverse crowd, and some began to sing,

“For he’s a jolly good feminist fellow
And so say all of us”

To which the feckless fool replied, “Thank you for your kind words of song. I am also a feminist, as you say, and a fellow who cares deeply for others. That is why I send your tax dollars overseas, and why there is not much money left in the land’s budget. Let me also say this is a land where no phobias will be allowed; there are so many of them these days: trans-phobia, bi-phobia, homophobia, geronto-phobia, islamophobia, xenophobia, lesbo-phobia etc., and to this end I hope to create a new ministry; it will be called the Ministry of Phobias. Any of you that feel discriminated against, stared at hurtfully, feel socially inadequate, are gender challenged and experience bathrooms refused, and have any other complaints, report them to the Phobia Ministry right away and your concerns will get top priority.  I will not tolerate Phobia-holics in my land.” On hearing the feckless fool’s words, the people applauded and began to sing,

“Let the sun shine in, face it with a grin
Smilers never lose and frowners never win
So let the sun shine in, patient with a grin
Open up your heart and let the sun shine in.”

The feckless fool applauded the singers and said, “I have another happy announcement for you all: Marijuana will be legalized; then you and all the country can go to pot. This will be done by July 1, 2018, the country’s birthday, though some negative people are saying a more appropriate day would be April Fool’s Day. Four plants will be allowed for every household and the streets, sub-divisions, and apartments around the country will be filled with the aroma of happiness growing and going up in smoke. People will be selling their plants to each other and new businesses will be created because, ‘Dopes R. Us.’ I can even visualize pardons for drug dealers and compensation being paid to them, because their crimes are no longer a crime. Oh, ah, um, happy days are here!” The feckless fool then said, “I will close with a few lines of my favourite song paraphrased just for you, and also dedicated to our country going potty.” And he began to sing,

“Don't laugh at me 'cause I'm a fool
I know it's true, yes I'm a fool
But the sun always shines on me
Don’t laugh at me because I’m a fool”

And so ends this chapter of the fairy tale of The Feckless Fool of Sunshine Land.
Stephen J. Gray
March 29, 2017.