Is Red Tory Big Brother Watching YOU?
(Satire) By Stephen J. Gray
“The
Conservatives have enlisted neighbourhood leaders – sports team coaches,
community activists – to report information on voters to the party's data
collectors…” [1]
( Globe and Mail, Sept.
12, 2008.)
The following
conversation is imaginary.
A Red Tory party member
phones up party HQ.
“Hello Red Tory HQ. How
may I help you?”
“Hi, this is Karl
reporting in as requested with information on one of my neighbours.”
Red
Tory, HQ person: “What did you say your name
was?”
“My
name is Karl Marks.”
Red
Tory, HQ person: “Well
aren’t you well named, just kidding of course. What is your party card number?
What info do you have for us?”
Karl
Marks: “First of all my last name is spelt Marks not
Marx. My party card number is Red Tory 666.”
Red
Tory HQ person: “Red Tory 666 aren’t you a
devil? Ha ha. I’m joking of course. What
info do you have for us?”
Karl
Marks: “My neighbour is a soft socialist and usually
has a socialist election sign on his lawn. There is no sign this time. I have
been having conversations with him about our great Red Tory party. He appears
conducive to our ideas and I believe I may be able to turn him towards voting
for us.”
Red
Tory, HQ, person: “Wow! Great stuff. What
has he been saying about our party?”
Karl
Marks: “He
says he liked the way we handled the same-sex marriage issue. He also praised
our leader for saying he would never use the not-withstanding clause on that
issue of same-sex marriage. He also
likes our stand on abortion, and our leader saying that he will never bring in
any legislation on it. He also supports the way we trashed the “unborn child”
private members bill. He also approves of our stand against free speech and is
against backbenchers speaking out. He is
in favour of human rights commissions just like us. He is also impressed with
the billions of dollars the party has poured into Quebec and our government making them a
‘nation’ within the country. He also likes our leader’s ‘strategic partnership’
with communist China
and says, this a sign to him that communists and conservatives can be partners.
He also says our party sounds just like a Socialist/Liberal party in some ways,
and he is seriously considering voting for us.”
Red
Tory, HQ, person: “This is fantastic news. How do
you think we might secure his vote?”
Karl
Marks: “I told him, all were welcome in our Big Red
Tory Tent and that our leader is dedicated to accountability and that political
labels really mean nothing anymore. He agreed and said: ‘That’s for sure.’ He
thinks one big political party would be best for the country and thinks the way
we are performing we could be it. My suggestion is for our great leader to call
him personally and invite his input into the next election. That just might be
the clincher.
Red
Tory, HQ, person: “Thank you Karl, for this
report on your neighbour. It is so encouraging to know that a socialist seems
to be coming on board. We rely on you and people like you to be the eyes and
ears of the party. Keep watching, listening and informing on your neighbors.
Bye for now.”
Stephen J. Gray
June 30, 2013,
Endnote:
